ARTIST IN RESIDENCE

TWO FEATHERS – I’ve prepared a slide show so that council can view some of the pieces I’ve produced in my year as Indigenous Artist in Residence. The first photograph is titled Rebirth.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – My God! What’s that coming out of your mouth?

TWO FEATHERS – A rose.

COUNCILLORS CURMUDGEON – Why in heaven’s name would you stuff a rose down your throat!

TWO FEATHERS – The work symbolizes that out of great pain can come great beauty.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – No offense, Two Feathers, but it looks like something you’d see at Monty’s.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Monty’s hasn’t been open in a decade, you old geezer.

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – Finally we discover Councillor Loveflake’s true area of expertise.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – I seem to recall back in the nineties you could often be seen taking a constitutional down Government Street, Councillor Curmudgeon.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON (fondly reminiscing) – Wearing my tweed cap . . .

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – And your jacket that was one size too big.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE –You must have passed by Monty’s in your travels.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Now and then.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Ever stop in for a gander?

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Wouldn’t you like to know! One thing I can tell you for certain, whatever artwork was on display, it wasn’t taxpayers who were footing the bill for it.

TWO FEATHERS – I should never have expected an old white guy to appreciate my art, let alone the centuries of hardship Indians have had to endure.

LISA HOPELESS – Accept my apologies on behalf of Councillor Curmudgeon. He can be a bit of a toad at times.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – I bet his wife can hardly wait for council meetings each week.

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – Probably drives to Mayfair and maxes out the credit cards.

COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – So Two Feathers, you’re a member of the Songhees Nation?

TWO FEATHERS – I can’t rightly say that I am.

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – The Esquimalt people, then?

TWO FEATHERS – Is that how you pronounce it. Es-qui-malt. Who’d a thunk.

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – You speak Lekwungen?

TWO FEATHERS – I don’t even know what that is.

LISA HOPELESS – I realize that my next question might seem a tad insensitive, Two Feathers. But what type of Indian are you exactly?

TWO FEATHERS – I’m a Mohawk.

LISA HOPELESS – A Mohawk! You’ve certainly come a long way to be the Artist in Residence.

TWO FEATHERS – It is The Year of Reconciliation after all. Sixty thousand dollars will go along way to reconciling my bank balance.