Council Meeting

ZZZ

LISA – My flight for Pyongyang leaves tomorrow at nine am. FRIEND – But why are you going to North Korea, Lisa? LISA – The Family has decided to remove another statue. FRIEND – Who is it this time? LISA – Kim Il-sung. FRIEND – Wasn’t he the founding father of North Korea? LISA – …

ZZZRead More »

ZORBA THE GREEK

LISA HOPELESS – Our next speaker is Zorba the Greek. COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – I must recuse myself. LISA HOPELESS – Not again! COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – You’re one to talk! Didn’t you just duck out of the Great Chicken Debate? LISA HOPELESS – But I have chickens. COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – And as it turns out Mr. …

ZORBA THE GREEKRead More »

YATES STREET

SPEAKER – Hi, my name’s Mandy. I live in the apartment next to the proposed condo tower under consideration tonight. At present when I look out my window I can see birds flying towards distant blue mountains. If this project gets approved, however, I’m more likely to be watching a foreign couple trying to figure …

YATES STREETRead More »

WRONG WAY

FRIEND – You might want to sit down for this, Lisa. LISA HOPELESS – What is it? FRIEND – A joint study released by UBC and McGill University shows that communities with lower density have higher levels of happiness. LISA HOPELESS – But how can that be? People who live in cities have higher education …

WRONG WAYRead More »

WORD ASSOCIATION

LISA HOPELESS – Our next speaker—certainly no stranger to council—is Bob Jones. BOB – With the mayor’s permission, I would like to play a game of word association with her. LISA HOPELESS – Sounds fun! BOB – We’ll see about that. When I say a word I want you to respond with the first word …

WORD ASSOCIATIONRead More »

TURDUCKEN

COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – While Lisa claims to be recusing herself from tonight’s discussion because she keeps chickens, I think the real reason is she is a chicken. COUNCILLOR COALMAN – You can say that again, Joe. COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – In any case, I will be taking over as acting mayor for the remainder …

TURDUCKENRead More »

TRUTH

DAISY – Dad, why does that sign on the chain-link fence say “Bellewood Park.” BEN – I’m not sure I’m up for this, Daisy. DAISY – But is it a park? BEN – Not exactly. DAISY – But with a name like Bellewood Park, there must be a lot of trees. BEN – In planters. …

TRUTHRead More »

TREE HOUSE

LISA HOPELESS – Item D on tonight’s agenda concerns a proposal to develop the corner of Moss and Richardson. I’d like to call on the developer, Mr. Small, to walk us through his plans for the site. MR. SMALL – Thank-you, Madame Mayor. I must say you’re looking particularly fetching this evening. The haircut might …

TREE HOUSERead More »

TRAINS

LISA HOPELESS – Who’s our next speaker, Mr. Coax? MR. COAX – Thomas Twain. MR. TWAIN – Good evening, mayor and council. The city’s strategic plan calls for a stretch of the old E & N railway to be turned into a commuter line linking Langford with downtown Victoria. Any progress on that front? LISA …

TRAINSRead More »

TIMES COMMUNIST

EDITOR – Good news, Eric. Since you began your investigative food column subscriptions to the paper are way up. According to my sources, readers are skipping the Op-Ed page and going directly to the Lifestyles section. You’re the new star of the Times Communist. ERIC ASSKISS – What about Jack Putz? EDITOR – I’ve demoted …

TIMES COMMUNISTRead More »