LISA HOPELESS – Item F on tonight’s agenda concerns short-term rentals. Due to a perceived conflict of interest, I must recuse myself from the discussion.
COUNCILLOR MADDOG – The Times Communist really did a hit job on you, Lisa. But at least you’ll have company in the green room. As the owner of a B&B in James Bay, I must also recuse myself.
COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – To be honest, I never even knew what recuse meant until I got on council. But considering I manage the Rialto, I guess it would only be appropriate if I recused myself as well.
In the hallway . . .
COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – Have you heard about the Thursday night drink specials we’re offering at Veneto? Buy one, get two free.
COUNCILLOR MADDOG – You’ve got to try the chocolate martini, Lisa. It’s to die for.
LISA HOPELESS – Do you think we have enough time?
COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – Come on, Lisa. Bullshit Ben loves it when you appoint him acting mayor. It’s as close to the throne as he’ll ever get, and should be worth at least a good forty-five minutes.
COUNCILLOR MADDOG (swinging her bra) – Let’s make it a girls’ night out!
Meanwhile back at the council meeting . . .
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – In conclusion, not only do Airbnbs remove supply from an already tight rental market, but they encourage entrepreneurship, which has absolutely no place in a centralized state-run economy.
COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – So what do you recommend?
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – That existing short-term rentals be taxed to the max, and new short-term rentals be banned outright.
COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – That seems unnecessarily harsh.
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – What do you think Jer?
COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Whatever you want me to, Ben.
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – All in favour? All against?
COUNCILLOR COALMAN – It looks like you’re on your own on this one, Marianne.
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Mr. Coax, perhaps you’d like to fetch the soon-to-be-former mayor from the hallway so we can continue with the rest of the meeting.
MR. COAX – She doesn’t appear to be there.
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT– What about councillors Maddog and Luscious?
MR. COAX – No sign of them either.
COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – In that case, I propose that we move the rest of the meeting to the Veneto. You’ve gotta try the chocolate martini, Ben—it’s to die for!