DEER CULL

LISA HOPELESS – Why are you dressed like Friar Tuck, Marianne?

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – While the rest of you lot are debating set-backs and variances at tonight’s council meeting, I’ll be in Rockland with Chief Sam I Am making a dent in the urban deer problem.

LISA HOPELESS – Have you used a bow and arrow before?

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – Everyone’s in bed by eight in Rockland, so even if I’m a little off-target, the only thing I’m likely to hit is a stray chicken or two.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – And what may I ask will this little program be costing the taxpayers of Victoria?

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – Fifty thousand dollars.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – You’re sure about that . . .

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – You got me, Councillor Curmudgeon. If the bridge is any example it will be at least double that amount.

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Couldn’t the same results be achieved in a more humane way?

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – You mean like Lisa’s brilliant idea to have boy scouts distribute prophylactics to bucks during mating season?

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – If I’m not mistaken the troop master is still in traction.

LISA HOPELESS – Oops-a-daisy!

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – I was thinking more of a trap-and-release program.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – If it takes eleven workers to fill a pothole in Victoria, I can only imagine how many workers it would take to trap a deer, let alone release it.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – It’s far more cost effective to just have Chief Sam I Am and his Band of Merry Men go out on a night hunt.

LISA HOPELESS – This is The Year of Reconciliation, so I guess it only makes sense.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – By the way, you’re all invited to a midnight barbecue at the Lieutenant Governor’s.

LISA HOPELESS – What if you don’t eat meat?

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – Thrifty’s will be doing the catering, so I’m sure you can expect the usual selection of dried out finger sandwiches and warmed-over mini-quiches.