FAIRFIELD

LISA HOPELESS – The next item up for consideration is the Fairfield Community Plan. Councillor Bullshit?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – I’d like to propose an amendment that states herbalists, rolfers and aromatherapists shall be consulted in the planning process.

LISA HOPELESS – Councillor Loveflake?

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – I’d like to propose an amendment to the amendment that street performers and clowns also be included in any and all decision-making.

COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – Even the Darth Vader guy who plays the violin?

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Especially the Darth Vader guy who plays the violin.

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – Rather comprehensive lists, boys. And certainly very inclusive. The only group that seems to be missing is the business community.

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Capitalist pigs! Who cares what they think!

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – Why do I have the feeling that if you had your way, Councillor Bullshit, Cook Street Village would consist of a cluster of Soviet-style apartment blocks with a bread lineup in front of the Rising Star?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – How’d you know?

LISA HOPELESS – Councillor Curmudgeon, you’re looking even grumpier than usual. Do you require an enema, or is there something you’d like to say?

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Bah! Humbug! Is what I’d like to say. It seems pointless to me that we are putting all of this time and effort into drawing up a community plan, when the bike lanes are sure to completely disrupt whatever is decided upon in any case.

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – I echo Councillor Curmudgeon’s concerns. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m finding it hard to wrap my brain around all this talk about set-backs and transition zones. Rather than a hypothetical discussion, I wish there was a better way to visualize the different options.

LISA HOPELESS – I’m one step ahead of you there, girlfriend!

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – How’s that?

LISA HOPELESS – I had staff print up colouring maps of the Fairfield area. The maps were then distributed to Grade Three students at both Sir James Douglas and Margaret Jenkins.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – You can’t be serious.

LISA HOPELESS – Here, take a look. I’ve brought along some of the winning entries in the colouring competition.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – But these are nothing but a bunch of scribbles!

LISA HOPELESS – Which is pretty much what Cook Street will look like during the bike lane implementation.