LISA HOPELESS – Our first speaker tonight is Madame X, the neighbour immediately behind the proposed Fish Bowl project. Welcome Madame X.

MADAME X – As you might remember, this is my second time appearing before council. The first time around I became so hysterical that council advised that a shadow study be carried out to show the impact of The Fish Bowl on my backyard.

LISA HOPELESS – And what were the results of the study?

MADAME X – As you can see from the photographs I have supplied, once construction is complete my backyard might as well be on the dark side of the moon.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – I love that album.

LISA HOPELESS – Any other comments by members of council.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – While I understand Madame X grows flowers commercially in her backyard, perhaps she might want to revisit her business plan and consider building a small repertory theatre instead. Given how close the neighbours will be, she’d have a guaranteed audience, standing room only, every night of the week.

LISA HOPELESS – Thinking outside the box, Marianne. Something I always like to see.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – I think this is an outstanding project and move that council approve the multitude of variances requested by Absurd Properties.

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – I enthusiastically second the motion.

LISA HOPELESS – As you all well know, my backyard is very special to me. I love the fact that I can raise chickens or do the funky chicken without having to answer to anyone. I wish this was also the case for Madame X, but unfortunately the OCP identifies Shelbourne Street as a corridor, which means pretty much anything goes.

LISA HOPELESS – Councillor Maddog, any comments?

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – I’d like to express my sympathy for Madame X.

LISA HOPELESS – You would.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – Sensible development should be about more than simply cramming the most people into the smallest possible space.

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – But on the other hand, we’ve got to cram people in somewhere, so it might as well be on Shelbourne Street.