FOREIGN BUYERS

LISA HOPELESS – In 2016, I stated that Victoria would never in a million years require a foreign buyers tax. In 2017, it looks like I’m going to have eat my words.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Not for the last time, I’m sure.

LISA HOPELESS – Our first speaker tonight is Phony Joe. Nice suit, by the way. You’re definitely a cut above the usual scruffy lot we see around here.

PHONY JOE – Thank-you, mayor. I’ve been a respected realtor in Victoria for the last thirty years, and my family have lived in the city for generations. I assume this gives me the right to get all huffy and play the race card anytime I want?

LISA HOPELESS – Fire away!

PHONY JOE – You honkies already had to apologize once to the Chinese community for the head tax. If this foreign buyers tax gets passed, it won’t be long until you’ll be apologizing to us again.

COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – Way to tell ’em, Joe!

LISA HOPELESS – Next we have Little Miss Frustrated.

LITTLE MISS FRUSTRATED – My husband and I are both professionals. Given our double income, you’d think it would be a piece of cake finding a house when we moved to Victoria. Instead, we found the whole experience so frustrating that my long, lustrous hair has started to fall out. Every time we put in an offer in on a house, we found ourselves outbid by a Chinese buyer. All cash and a hundred thousand over the asking price.

THE MAN WITH THE TEFLON HAIR – Foreign buyers only account for three to four percent of sales in Victoria.

LITTLE MISS FRUSTRATED – Bullshit!

LISA HOPELESS – Our next speaker is LITTLE MISS FRUSTRATED TWO.

LITTLE MISS FRUSTRATED TWO – I share the concerns of the original Little Miss Frustrated. My husband and I both grew up in Victoria and have been saving towards a down payment on a house for the last ten years. We’re not looking for a mansion, just a little place to call our own and start a family. It seems every time we come close to making a purchase, the price jumps. We’re at such wit’s end we’re even considering moving to Duncan.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Now that’s drastic!

LISA HOPELESS – Our final speaker tonight is Smarmy Realtor.

SMARMY REALTOR – The problem is not demand, but supply. If this council was only to approve more garden suites, the housing crisis could be solved overnight.

LISA HOPELESS – You really think so?

SMARMY REALTOR – No. But if you’re dumb enough to believe that I have some swampland in Florida you might be interested in.