HEYWOOD

LISA HOPELESS – Guess what, folks! We have yet another condo complex up for consideration.

COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – They’re starting to sprout up around town like mushrooms.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – Or toadstools, depending on how you look at it.

LISA HOPELESS – This one’s on Heywood, just opposite Beacon Hill Park.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – And right next to The Blanchflower. A splendid example of art deco, I might add.

LISA HOPELESS – Councillor Coalman, you were the first mover . . .

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – Considering I’m just back from a bathroom break, you could say I’m both the first mover and the second as well.

LISA HOPELESS – Perhaps a little more detail than we needed, councillor. So how about kicking off the discussion with some of your usual random musings . . .

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – Were you aware that the developer had fifty-five separate meetings with neighbours? That’s what I call an exhaustive consultation process—not to mention a lot of tea and biscuits.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – Based on the input of neighbours, he even modified the plans so that the driveway was moved from one side of the building to the other.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – Whoop-de-fucking-doo!

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – I thought it was an elegant solution.

COUCILLOR MADDOG – Elegant? Get real, Marianne.

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – But if empty nesters sell their homes and move into condos such as this, it will free up the housing market for young families.

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Nice theory, Councillor Luscious. But let’s not pretend that approving this high-end condo complex in any way addresses the issue of affordable housing.

LISA HOPELESS – Councillor Curmudgeon, do you have anything to add?

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – I’m just going to mumble for ten minutes, and then support the proposal.

LISA HOPELESS – And what about you, Joe?

COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – I’m just going to echo what everyone else has said, and then support the proposal.

LISA HOPELESS – I guess that leaves you with the final word, Councillor Loveflake.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – I went back and forth on this one . . .

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – You waffle so much you should be working at Wanna Waffle.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Do you think they’re hiring?

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – You can only hope. Especially with the election just around the corner.