PEG – I can hardly contain myself I’m so excited to be here this evening to tell to you all about Goofin’ Around, a report released earlier today that details the transportation habits of James Bay residents.
LISA HOPELESS – Do tell more, Peg.
PEG – The report was the culmination of a ten-year multimillion dollar study.
LISA HOPELESS – Really?
PEG – Just goofin’ with you! I actually collected the data myself by standing in front of the James Bay Thrifty’s in the pouring rain.
LISA HOPELESS – And what did you learn?
PEG – That 74% of residents prefer to walk when getting around James Bay.
LISA HOPELESS – Now that the Capital Park project is finally complete, the library is one more destination residents will be able to walk to.
PEG – Let me tell you we’re all in seventh heaven about the new library, Lisa. The last time anything this exciting happened in James Bay was when the Pendray Soap Works opened in 1895.
LISA HOPELESS – It’s been a while then.
PEG – You got that right, sister.
LISA HOPELESS – What did the survey results have to say about other forms of active transportation?
PEG – About fifteen percent of residents ride a bike.
LISA HOPELESS – They must be excited by the new bike lanes!
PEG – Actually, most of the cyclists I interviewed consider them a complete waste of taxpayer money.
LISA – Whatever. How do you get around yourself, Peg?
PEG – A pogo stick.
LISA – You’re the second person to tell me that. Perhaps the city needs to consider a pogo-stick-only designated lane on Michigan Street?
PEG – I wouldn’t recommend it, Lisa. Especially, given how low your poll numbers are tracking.
LISA HOPELESS – What do you mean?
PEG – While I was standing out in the rain asking passersby about how they get around James Bay, I also asked if they would be supporting you in the upcoming election.
LISA HOPELESS – Not good?
PEG – Most of the respondents said they’d prefer Peter Pollen.
LISA HOPELESS – Didn’t he die recently?
PEG – As I said, the results were not encouraging.