LAND SWAP

LISA HOPELESS – I’ve got a surprise for you, Marianne.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Uh-oh.

LISA HOPELESS – I’ve arranged a land swap with Mayor Notwell of Saanich.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – And how does that affect me?

LISA HOPELESS – Mount Tolmie, your home turf, will now be part of Victoria!

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – Why in heaven’s name would you do that, Lisa?

LISA HOPELESS – I’ve got big plans for the area. Are you familiar with Gage Towers at UBC? Well, we’re going to build our own version of Gage Towers at the top of Mount Tolmie. Think of all the international students we’ll be able to house, and so close to UVic too.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY– But Mount Tolmie is zoned single-family residential.

LISA HOPELESS – As if that has ever been a guarantee of anything! You know as well as I do that the zoning in Victoria can change as quickly as the weather.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – But on a clear day you can see Mount Baker from my deck. You wouldn’t want to disturb the Feng Shui.

LISA HOPELESS – Believe me, there will be more than enough Feng Shui once the international students move in. Don’t be a NIMBY, Marianne. You consistently vote in favour of increased density in other parts of the city. We wouldn’t want your neighbourhood to miss out.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – Blah, blah, blah.

LISA HOPELESS – Sorry, Marianne, I can’t make out what you’re saying. Could you please speak directly into the microphone so everyone in council chambers can hear you?

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – I said: Protect our Neighbourhoods, Prevent Overdevelopment.