BEN – Do you know what the key to success in politics is, Jer?
JERRY – Not a clue. But I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.
BEN – The key to success in politics is to know your base and to play them like a finely-tuned instrument.
JERRY – Sounds like a Paul McCartney concert.
BEN – For instance, in the last election what do you think my supporters considered to be the number one issue?
JERRY – Radishes?
BEN – The environment, Jer. People voted for me because of my commitment to getting a sewage treatment plant built so that Victoria can finally stop dumping its shit directly into the ocean.
JERRY – How’s that going, by the way?
BEN – Results aren’t what’s important, Jer. What’s important is that I maintain my brand as an environmental crusader.
JERRY – Is that why the cover to your newsletter always features you in an action pose?
BEN – My followers love to see me zip-lining through old growth forest, or riding the waves at Long Beach . . .
JERRY – Your golden locks blowing in the breeze.
BEN – Never underestimate a little sex appeal, Jer—especially when it comes to securing the ecobabe vote.
JERRY – I always meant to ask you about the picture of you jumping off the ice floe and rescuing the drowning polar bear. With all the council and committee of the whole meetings, how did you manage the time to travel up to Churchill?
BEN – You got me, Jer. The picture was photo-shopped.
JERRY – You mean you didn’t actually rescue a polar bear?
BEN – It’s like they say in the advertising world: Don’t sell the steak, sell the sizzle.
JERRY – That sounds very capitalistic, Ben.
BEN – But don’t you see, Jer? I’m using the tools of capitalism to undermine capitalism.
JERRY – Heavy, man.