LISA HOPELESS – Councillor Bullshit, I understand that you are submitting a travel request so that you can attend an aromatherapy workshop in Coombs. Any other details you’d like to provide?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – I will be attending the workshop as part of a pilot project called Smells Like Teen Spirit that will be launching in Fernwood later this spring.

LISA HOPELESS – How will it work?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Telephone poles throughout the neighbourhood will not only be painted in festive colours, but will be scented as well.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – You’re telling me a mint pole will actually smell like mint?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Not only will it smell like mint, Jer, but the scent will activate the release of serotonin in your brain giving you a temporary high.


COUNCILLOR COALMAN – Given the serious drug problems the city is already facing, do you think this is really something we want to be encouraging?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Amsterdam has been running a smelly pole program for nearly a decade now. Studies have shown that citizens are not only happier but have improved memory skills as well.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – And what do you estimate this little project will cost the taxpayers of Victoria?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Three hundred thousand dollars.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Remember, the Johnson Street bridge was originally slated to come in at under fifty million dollars.

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – You got me, Councillor Curmudgeon. It’s anybody’s guess what the true cost of the project will be. But looking on the bright side, I’ve managed to bring you all some free samples. What do you say to Almond Cookie Surprise, Councillor Joe Thornton? And Councillor Maddog, I think you’ll find Licorice Libido is guaranteed to tickle your fancy.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Aren’t you forgetting someone?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – I admit you had the selection committee stumped, Councillor Curmudgeon. But considering you’re still dressing and thinking in the 1950s, who could argue with Old Spice?

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – The classics never go out of style!