LISA – This is the last time I’m going to warn you! No clapping or cheering in the council chambers!

FRIEND – But, Lisa, this isn’t a council meeting. It’s a surprise party to celebrate your birthday!

LISA – Has everyone registered their names with Mr. Coax?

FRIEND – Lisa, it’s just your friends here to wish you all the best on your big day.

LISA – This party is taking place on the traditional territory of the Esquimalt and Songhees First Nations.

FRIEND – Believe me, we’re well aware of that, Lisa. Time to blow out the candles.

LISA – Is it safe?

FRIEND – Yes, it’s perfectly safe. Lisa, you’ve got to relax. Your supporters just want to wish you a happy birthday.

LISA – As many supporters as last year?

FRIEND – No, not quite as many as last year.

LISA – As many supporters as when I was first elected mayor?

FRIEND – About half as many as then.

LISA – So you’re telling me the level of my support is inversely proportional to the density of the city and the cost of the bike lanes.

FRIEND – I suppose you could put it that way. But let’s not worry about that for now. How about a drink?

LISA – Is it locally made?

FRIEND – Phillip’s Brewery.

LISA – Good. And was it delivered to the party by bike courier?

FRIEND – To be honest I was running late, so I just whipped into the new liquor store at the Oak Bay Junction.

LISA – You didn’t use a plastic bag, did you?

FRIEND – I wouldn’t dream of it.

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – Lisa, you’ve gotta try the radish appetizer. It’s to die for!

LISA – Victoria is one step closer to food security.

FRIEND – At least as far as radishes go. Here, open my gift!

LISA – A poncho. How thoughtful.

FRIEND – The raven pattern is based on a traditional Salish design.

LISA – But wasn’t it expensive?

FRIEND – Believe me, with the extra revenue we’re pulling in from the Airbnb, we can afford it.