LISA HOPELESS – We now move on to a motion to ban the use of single-use plastic bags. Yes, Councillor Luscious?

COUCILLOR LUSCIOUS – Since the Rialto will be directly affected by the ban, I must recuse myself from the discussion.

LISA HOPELESS – No need to leave the chambers, councillor. Just put this paper bag over your head and shut the fuck up. Yes, Councillor Bullshit?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – I am more than happy to lend my support to the motion. Not only is the ban on plastic bags good for the environment, but it diverts attention from the fact that we’ve made hardly any progress on the sewage treatment plant.

LISA HOPELESS – And I get a chance to play the role of eco-warrior in spite of the unprecedented building spree that has taken place during my term as mayor.

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – Didn’t you get nearly fifty percent of your campaign contributions in the last election from developers, Lisa?

LISA HOPELESS – About the same percentage as you and Jeremy received from the unions, Ben.

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – So it’s a win-win situation. The ban on plastic bags gives us all a chance to pat ourselves on the back while drawing attention away from a potentially damning discussion of ethics and conflict of interest.