REPENTANCE

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Who’s the guy with the dark circles under his eyes?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – I’m not sure. But he looks like he’s straight out of The Walking Dead.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – I believe it’s Lisa’s former fixer.

LISA HELPLESS – You guys do realize that I can hear every word you’re saying. Welcome, Mitch. What brings you out from your crypt tonight?

MITCH – I’m here to tell a story.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – We’ve already had to endure the toddler poetry reading. Don’t tell me we have to suffer through storytime as well.

LISA HELPLESS – Councillor Curmudgeon, you should be grateful there’s someone in the room who’s going to reach one hundred before you. Mitch, do continue.

MITCH – Thank-you, Lisa. My concern is that Victoria is changing so rapidly that the story of the city might be lost to future generations.

LISA HELPLESS – And what story is that?

MITCH –The story of a city that had lived in a bubble for so long that the citizens had become complacent and forgotten that sometimes you have to fight to protect what you hold most dear.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – So you don’t agree with all the new construction?

MITCH – I lived in New York City once. I don’t need to live there again.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – It sounds to me like Mitch might be having a change of heart.

LISA HOPELESS – Is that true, Mitch?

MITCH (dropping to his knees) – MY FELLOW VICTORIANS, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR UNLEASHING THIS SHE-DEVIL ON OUR BEAUTIFUL CITY! I WAS SELFISH. I JUST WANTED TO GET A BUILDING APPLICATION APPROVED. I HAD NO IDEA THINGS WOULD BECOME SO BAD, SO FAST . . .

(Mitch is struck by a lightning bolt.)

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – That was one hell of a story!

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Not to mention some incredible special effects!

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – If only we could strike down half the speakers who appear before council.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – It would make The Request to Address Council section so much more entertaining.

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – Look guys! Mitch appears to have turned to stone!

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – Poor fellow. In his own misguided way, I think he was actually trying to do good for the community.

COUNCILLOR LOVEDAY – I have an idea. What do you say to Mitch replacing the statue of Sir John A. Macdonald?

COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – He’s just about the right size.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – And given the harm he’s done Victoria perhaps it’s only fitting that he spends the rest of his days shat on by seagulls.