COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Who’s the guy with the dark circles under his eyes?
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – I’m not sure. But he looks like he’s straight out of The Walking Dead.
COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – I believe it’s Lisa’s former fixer.
LISA HELPLESS – You guys do realize that I can hear every word you’re saying. Welcome, Mitch. What brings you out from your crypt tonight?
MITCH – I’m here to tell a story.
COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – We’ve already had to endure the toddler poetry reading. Don’t tell me we have to suffer through storytime as well.
LISA HELPLESS – Councillor Curmudgeon, you should be grateful there’s someone in the room who’s going to reach one hundred before you. Mitch, do continue.
MITCH – Thank-you, Lisa. My concern is that Victoria is changing so rapidly that the story of the city might be lost to future generations.
LISA HELPLESS – And what story is that?
MITCH –The story of a city that had lived in a bubble for so long that the citizens had become complacent and forgotten that sometimes you have to fight to protect what you hold most dear.
COUNCILLOR MADDOG – So you don’t agree with all the new construction?
MITCH – I lived in New York City once. I don’t need to live there again.
COUNCILLOR MADDOG – It sounds to me like Mitch might be having a change of heart.
LISA HOPELESS – Is that true, Mitch?
MITCH (dropping to his knees) – MY FELLOW VICTORIANS, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR UNLEASHING THIS SHE-DEVIL ON OUR BEAUTIFUL CITY! I WAS SELFISH. I JUST WANTED TO GET A BUILDING APPLICATION APPROVED. I HAD NO IDEA THINGS WOULD BECOME SO BAD, SO FAST . . .
(Mitch is struck by a lightning bolt.)
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – That was one hell of a story!
COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Not to mention some incredible special effects!
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – If only we could strike down half the speakers who appear before council.
COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – It would make The Request to Address Council section so much more entertaining.
COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – Look guys! Mitch appears to have turned to stone!
COUNCILLOR COALMAN – Poor fellow. In his own misguided way, I think he was actually trying to do good for the community.
COUNCILLOR LOVEDAY – I have an idea. What do you say to Mitch replacing the statue of Sir John A. Macdonald?
COUNCILLOR BULLSHIT – He’s just about the right size.
COUNCILLOR MADDOG – And given the harm he’s done Victoria perhaps it’s only fitting that he spends the rest of his days shat on by seagulls.