SCULPTURE

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Let me get this straight. You’re telling me these upturned surfboards are supposed to represent an orca whale?

ARTS & CULTURE GUY – Rather than worrying what the sculpture is supposed to look like, perhaps the councillor should just appreciate the piece based on its own merits.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – That’s what they said when they put up that thingamajig in Bastion Square.

COUNCILLOR ALTERNATIVE REALITY – Apparently it’s supposed to be a burial canoe passing through a bed of reeds.

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – And to think all this time I thought it was a bouquet of tulips holding up a Pez dispenser.

COUNCILLOR LOVEFLAKE – Have you ever tried shimmying up one of the stems?

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – Once. I almost made it halfway.

COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – While we’re on the topic of questionable public art, I’ve always been curious about those broken slabs of concrete in front of the Bank of Montreal.

COUNCILLOR COALMAN – As if your bank balance hasn’t managed to make you depressed enough, that piece of shit is sure to send you into a downward spiral.

COUNCILLOR LUSCIOUS – Speaking of which, let’s not forget the infamous mattress at the entrance to Beacon Hill Park.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – Night is for sleeping . . .

COUNCILLOR JOE THORNTON – Day is for resting.

COUNCILLOR CURMUDGEON – Funny, I’ve always thought night was for sleeping, council meetings were for resting.

LISA HOPELESS – Okay, even I have to admit the city has wasted a lot of taxpayer money over the years on some pretty crappy art. What makes this new orca sculpture special is that music will be a part of the experience.

COUNCILLOR MADDOG – Handel’s Water Music?

LISA HOPELESS – Actually, the O’Briens performing Cecilia.